Its interesting. The person I am right now is a completely different person than who I used to be. I actually don't even feel like that person was me. The interesting thing is the reason I feel this way is not based solely on my size. It has more to do with the way I think and live.
I feel like I have gone through a very large personal transformation in my body, mind, and soul. I first achieved my weight loss goal which is something that I never thought would be a possibility in this lifetime. I then began the process of questioning my beliefs and views on life and this universe. I am still currently in this process and I very much hope it never ends. I will NEVER know anything about this world and life, I realize this. So all I can think to do is learn as much as I can while I am here and do the best I can to become the best person I can be.
In the past year I have made conscious efforts to change my behavior in situations. Which to my surprise I actually noticed a difference in how people treated me and how I felt about others and treated them. Id like to share with you one of the things I did and how I realized I needed to change my behavior.
About 6 months ago or so I was in my room recording a song with my camera. I was playing guitar as well and I had just gotten through half of the song and it was perfect so far. My mom then knocks on my door and asks me a simple question. I got so frustrated and snapped at her for doing that when I was recording. She apologized and seemed genuinely sorry but I still treated her poorly from my frustration in this situation. Now, If I was not recording I may not have made this change. I was replaying what I recorded a little later and was absolutely disgusted with myself and how I had treated my mom. This made me take a look at my behavior in a different way. I thought about it more and realized, how on earth should my mom have known I was recording. She even felt terrible and apologized. I had no reason whatsoever to snap at her. From that moment on I told myself that I would no longer take out frustration on others when it was in no way deserved.
It took about 4 months until I really noticed a difference. There were many times I had to remove myself from a situation so I didnt say something I regret. It was also very consuming constantly thinking about what to say and not just speaking from reaction. However, as time went on it became easier. I found that I now have a great deal of patience for people, I honestly care about people more, and I have become a lot better friend and person because of this simple change I made in myself.
Everyday I strive to be the best person that I can be and treat others how I want to be treated. No one deserves anything less. I dont care who they are, or what they did. I love everyone. I am no better than any other person on this earth.
A major point I would like to bring up is that I still snap at times and still take out aggression when I shouldn't. I am not saying I will never act that way again, because I most certainly will. The point of this is that most of the time I have learned to keep my cool and I only hope that as time goes on with this change, I will eventually have less and less frustration that I may take out on others.
The only thing I know for sure is that this life I am living is more than I can even fathom. I dont believe I will ever know for sure why life exists. The one thing I do feel I know is that life is ment to be shared and enjoyed. I believe life is about people and the expiriences you share with those people. Good and bad. I can learn something from every single person I come into contact with.
