So here I go, a new tool to help myself cope with my life. I love those.. coping mechanisms. Life is one big coping mechanism.

I hate the first of everything. I always have to introduce myself in some way. When is a few minutes summary, some fun facts about myself like my favorite band or where I would most like to visit, or a quick bio on a web-page of myself really going to tell you anything about who I really am as a person. If anything it will most likely give you something to create an untrue uninformed opinion of me whether it be a positive or negative judgement. So I'm not going to try an explain who I am. I am just going to start writing.

Today has been a rough day. I have had a terrible cold for the past 2 days with horrendous coughing attacks and currently, I have no voice. I am reduced to what seems to be like secret telling all day. The reason this is absolutely terrible is for the sheer fact that my favorite part of each day is singing in the car. I tried doing that today.. pretty sure it didn't happen. Fortunately, I work in operations at my place of employment and am not required to speak to customers everyday haha

I want to mention a little about the title of this blog and what it means to me. I over the past few years have reached a total weight loss of 165 pounds. The thing I have discovered about weight loss is that your mind doesn't always lose the weight with your body. I was born on December 11th, 1987 and have lived most my life up until around 2009 extremely overweight. Even as a child my mom always said that I was thicker than all the other children. I was always the biggest in my class and overweight, and then became very obese once I reached high school. My highest recorded weight is 314 pounds and my lowest recorded weight I have from this past September is 148. I am currently hovering around 150. In September of 2010 I had a Tummy Tuck done and could not be happier with that decision even though it has put me into some major finance stress at times. Luckily, I feel my personal happiness and self-esteem is a lot more important in life than money. so yay :) I have now reached a healthy weight and feel great about my size.. for the most part. I would love to tone up many areas and fix some of what I see as flaws but in a broad sense, if I could stay the size I am right now forever I would be happy :) The only problem is that I have come to find that it is not that simple. Half of my brain realizes I am no longer 300 pounds but the other half doesn't know how to understand life any other way than being that size. As an outcome I am confused by the way I am treated every single day.

I am currently in the process of learning to love myself, my life, and everyone around me. Hopefully this blog will help me reach those goals ♥